Antigay((istic)(ism)(ology)): a brief explanation

An excerpt from Duncan Chesterfield’s essay, “Ignorance: Why a lack of Elementary Education and Slanted Political Convictions will lead to the Apocalypse”

antigay [an-ti-gay] (noun): one who engages in homophobic inclinations.  (e.g. “That John Rocker [1] is quite an antigay[istic].” – Purple haired man riding the number 7 train in New York)

antigayistic [an-ti-gay-is-tic] (adj): the act or quality of possessing homophobic (antigay) tendencies or temperament. (e.g. “Having an antigayistic view of the world will get you nowhere in life.” – Anonymous)

antigayisticism [an-ti-gay-is-tic-ism] (noun) : the practice of of being antigayisitic (one who participates in homophobic activity or conduct). [2] (e.g. “Antigayisticism will no longer be tolerated… wake up people it’s the Twenty-first century.” -member of the IALGPC speaking on grounds of anonymity)

antigayisticismology [an-ti-gay-is-tic-ism-o-lo-gy] (noun): the study and teachings of antigayisticism (homophobic sentiment and those who retain it). [3] (e.g. “If I had it my way, antigayisticismology would be taught in every school across the world.” – Fred Phelps)


[1] Does anyone know where this man is?  I imagine he’s living somewhere in Wyoming having an affair with Tonya Harding as the two of them plot their best way to resurface in the world of Reality Television.

[2] In some cases, it (antigayisticism) is practiced by, but not limited to, people living south of the Mason/Dixon line of the United States of America (and/or other rural areas), Evangelical preachers (including, but not limited to the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas), members occupying a Congressional seat in the GOP, everyone and their mother who voted “Yes” on Proposition 8 in the state of California, most Country musicians (not Kenny Chesney because he might be…), Bill O’Reilly, John Hagee, Ann Coulter, Jerry Falwell, Sarah Palin, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church), Joseph Stalin, Tom McClintock, Dick Cheney, et cetera. Many practitioners of antigayisticism do not have the mental aptitude to comprehend why they have such strong sentiment, but nevertheless do. It comes as no surprise when a member of the Grand Old Party maintains a staunch propensity for antigayisticism and is in turn pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol after leaving a homosexual night club with a gay man in the passenger seat of his car. A direct correlation sometimes (but not always) exists between antigayisticism and latent homosexuality but this is often a highly argued contention. Theorists, who shall remain nameless, have proposed (under speculation) that individuals who retain antigayistic affection only do so as a defense mechanism in an attempt to dissuade others from presuming they are gay.

[3] This course is preached at many private, non-secular colleges across America. Founded in 1984 by Duke Hodges at Freedom and Will University, the course has grown in popularity since its inception and consequently is now offered at seven colleges across the United States of America.

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