An Open Letter To The Most Popular Ex-Politicos We Know

Dear Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hosni Mubarak,

As you probably already know, Exchanging Pleasantries is internationally renowned for our ability to capitalize on Twitter revolutions, ill-gotten funds, would-be strippers, mercurial minds, and zebra banana hammock closeout sales.

As men of fallen power, I propose we join forces!

Arnold: You would be our gastronomical expert/fitness correspondent. You could work from home or even better you could work from Muscle Beach. I’m not picky when it comes to material, but I’d like it if you did something about juice cleanses, rutabaga salads and why droves of men and women will wait for an hour for an Elliptical only to use it for twenty minutes. You could do lunges in between articles!

Mubarak: I was thinking you could be our dictator. Don’t look at me like you don’t want the gig. Your Swiss funds are frozen and you need some cash. We’ve all been there before. Frankly, if it wasn’t for our MacArthur fellowship, E.P. might have crumbled when the housing bubble burst. (One night in 2004, we got really drunk and bought a bunch of deltafront condos in Stockton.)Your takeover will be slow, but I want it to last at least thirty years. I suggest we discuss this further at your convenience. I hear you guys got your internet back, how about a Skype date?

Lastly, I propose we convene for a few short weeks to shoot a reality show based on our lives. I’ll play the gun powder snorting yoga instructor turned promising marine biologist, Arnold will be the Austrian body builder turned governor of California and Mubarak will play the Egyptian dictator turned American reality star! We’ll get James Cameron to direct the pilot! It’ll air on Fox! Snooki will join the cast for Season 2!


The Neapolitan Mastiff

1 Comment

Filed under Formal Correspondence

One response to “An Open Letter To The Most Popular Ex-Politicos We Know

  1. Jeanne Tripplehorn

    This isn’t funny. You’ve crossed the line with this one. Polygamy rox!

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