My Brother Went To Honduras And All I Got Was This…

My brother came back from Honduras with a present. He always comes back with little trinkets and things. But this time, instead of returning with t-shirts or indigenous bracelets, he brought back a human’s head. The head belonged to Honduran man with feather hair extensions named Usnavi.

Now don’t get all grossed out. The head wasn’t bleeding or anything when he got it. It’s not as if they just hacked some guy’s head off and wrapped it in kraft paper like the butcher at Safeway. No, no, no, this decapitation was very humane. A first class beheading. I believe anesthesia was involved. Afterward they bled that sucker dry and then salted his neck’s circumference. Next it was embalmed.

The way those feather hair extensions frame the head’s weather-beaten face is actually quite lovely. Regal in a way. It’s also pretty lightweight given the fact that skull is void of its original contents. It came with this little plaque. It’s bronze-plated and reads: Genuine Honduran Male Aged 40 Years. Apparently, my brother could’ve gotten the head of a child, but those were a bit pricier.

In case you’re wondering, his family was compensated handsomely. I believe they got a Smart Car, and maybe a Lap-Band out of the deal.

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